Hey Jess, What Do You Do On The Weekends?

Well boys and girls, this is a very good question!

Besides the sex drugs and rock and roll, i like to film pointless stupid movies of my friends.
oh yeah its a good one.

So we were all just chillin at Gaby's house when a very valuable question came up;
what do guys/girls do at sleepovers.

The usual answers came up;
the guys said naked pillow fights, kissing, all that jazz.
and we the girls just said play video games and compare the sizes of our pork swords.

So I'm sitting here thinking this would make a really good, funny, CLEAN, video....

...well it was funny...

Turns out guys have the attention span of a 5 year old so we only got the first couple of scenes done, but we thought;
"hey this can't go to waste!"

So we used the clips we got that night and some clips of a french project gaby and lara did last year and well... we got this strangely funny video

The wonders you can do with a mac and some weird sound effects.

oh btw you may be thinking, where is jess, she's so awesome, she should be in this!!

Well don't worry, I'm the brains behind the camera!

go to:
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=59345375224

you actually have to watch it, if you loved me you would watch it!
post what you think!

Is Anyone An Organ Donor....?

...cause I need to buy some guts.

Seriously, I lost mine, and I'm willing to pay anything [I'm baller like that]

This is what I'm thinking about posting in a local newspaper [not actually, do I seem that unstable?]

WANTED; GUTS
Preferably in good condition,
won't run out on me when I really need them.
pink and fleshy
have some past experience at being "gutsy" [man, I'm good]
willing to trade.

I mean my guts are good, I usually have no problem telling people what I think [I pretty sure I called my teacher a terrorist once]
However they tend to run out on me when I need to say something to someone who really matters.

It's Sad, I Never Gave A Damn About The Weather...

...but it never gave a damn about me.

Seriously, what the heck is going on with this weather. Couldn't it have some common sense to have some decency to at least call me up and tell me it was going to be like the second ice age.
That way I would have had a chance to stock up on canned goods and umbrellas...
heck... maybe even build a bomb shelter.
But no, the weather had to be a prick and give me no notice, isn't the expectations these days something like two weeks?

I also think the weather is bi-polar [which is a disease that should not be taken lightly]
One day its all sunny and the rabbits and deers are frolicking in the meadows and then the next it's cold and rainy and all the deers and rabbits have been struck down by lightning!

Like actually, I was expecting the second coming to come soon but not this soon.

Before it was like; "hey want to go outside and get a tan and/or skin cancer?"
but now it's like "hey lets go outside and get frost bite and loose all our limbs"

I know you may say, silly jess both of those have negative sides

Well here is my rebuttal: You are looking at the glass half empty. See if you were positive like me you would see the good out of the two... a tan.
At least the sun gives you something good.

But if you know me on a personal level, you will know that I will not just stand by and let the rain smack me across the face.

I smack the rain back.

And I did this by just running in it. I just ran as if it didn't exist.
HA! take that rain!
No one or nothing likes being ignored, trust me.

I may have caught hypothermia, but I sure showed the rain who's boss.

HA!
[I always have the last laugh]

Just A Random One [this one's for andrea]

So me and a friend were having a written convo during bio class and we touched on an interesting concept.

Here is a snippet of the convo. [j=me and a=Andrea]

a = Hahaha, ew. Your weird, but then again, so is everyone.
j = yupp. But wait, if I’m weird, but everyone is weird, wouldn't that make me normal?
a = I guess...
j = yup, and people who aren’t weird are just crazy, like mental institute crazy.
a = that's pretty cool. So what does that make me?
j = see you fit into the group of people who aren’t weird category, however your like secretly weird so you would be like one of those crazy people who can live in everyday society as long as they take their pills.
a = but I don't take pills...
j = we're talking about a hypothetical world!!

Anyways that’s the upside down world I live in
And I’d like to give a shout out to ANDREA MAO
She’s the one who asks me like 5 times a day to update my blog
You’re so cool I would hug you.....if you let me...

Here’s another snippet just to prove how cool Andrea is;

a = btw, I burned down the North Pole
j = why? ..... Did Santa touch you?
a = No.... did he touch you?
j = well no... But if he touched me I would burn down the North Pole and press charges
a = I lied. I didn't burn down the North Pole
j = shame on you!
a = oh well...
j = you could have potentially ruined 20 million children's beliefs about Santa and all you say is oh well?!?

For all you who think Andrea is normal...beware she's not lol
jk luv you Andrea!

Girlicious More Like Pukelicious

I’m sorry to inform you that no matter how famous and sexy these four girls are or ever become I will never like them, they are just your run-of-the-mill industry whores

That’s right I said whores
I call em’ when I see em’
And I see them big time

So I'm going to explain to you the thoughts and anger I was feeling while I had to watch their videos

Basically I’m going to rip on their tasteless, talentless videos…in chronological order!

I was flippin' through the channels when I stopped on mtv and I saw the music video for “like me”

It was like a train wreck, it’s so awful but I couldn’t take my eyes away…. Oh how I wished I did, it was gross.

First on the docket; “Like Me”

Where do I even begin…?
I mean the song itself isn’t even that bad if you’re into that kind of music, but I mean come on, the video is only at #1 for one reason, and it isn’t the song.

First of all they aren’t really wearing any clothes… I mean this is understandable considering this is a music video but wait it gets worse.
They start unzipping these already skimpy outfits to reveal an even skimpier outfit!

I have two word for you; Latex underwear…. I mean is this really necessary?

Oh and I mean crumping/thrusting [thrusting is the white version of crumping] is great in music videos. Hell even I thrust every now and then, its fun, you should try it.
But when your whole dance routine is made up crumping/thrusting from various camera angles…it gets a little boring.

Oh and the best party of this song is this line;

“It ain’t easy being easy”

Oh wow, what have we come to that this is actually a line in a song?

2nd on the chopping block is “stupid shit”

The song title couldn’t be more correct…this video/song is some stupid shit.

First of all I would like to ask the question why?
Why must we further the image of school girls with kilts being sexy horney sex fiends?
I mean come on…. Plaid skirts aren’t that hot, honestly, I wear one.

Also I would say about 100% of school uniforms don’t look like that, maybe at the “little prostitot [prostitute + toddler = prostitot] finishing school, but not here in the real world.

Come back to reality you bunch of sluts…

Sorry, did that come out of my mouth?

Anyways there is yet more over-thrustage in this video, except this time instead of just thrusting the air or each other they also thrust on chain link fences and cars.

Good on you girls, you mixed it up...a little

Oh and did anyone else notice that there are like 50 crotch shots in this video… like seriously keep your vag to yourself.

Oh wait, this video gets better.
A group of like 50 girls come into an alley way and start stripping and erotically dancing with each other…. I mean have some self respect… I hope your father sees this video.

But this scene also leads me to question as to where the hell they are…because they should have all been attacked by creepy men, even before they started stripping. I swear they filmed this in an Amish village

Poor Amish, they didn’t know what hit them

Oh by the way, every sleepover I have is perfectly depicted in the last 30secs of this video…honest.

So in conclusion this group is a bad influence on the world. Period.
Little girls are watching these videos! Does anyone realize this?
Does anyone stop and think to themselves…. Hey girls might get the wrong impression?
F**K
And they wonder why girls’ images of themselves are so messed up.

Hello? Is Anyone Out There?!

You may think that after a title like that the first line should be something along the lines of;

Are you there God? It's me Margret.

But no, these were cries of desperation and fear coming from my mouth.

It was about closing time at work and I was putting away stuff from the salad bar, which involves me going into the giant walk in fridge, which happens to be one of my two fears at work [the other is the swinging door, seriously that thing has almost killed me a thousand times]

Anyways, I go in to put away the salad dressing and I used my foot to prop the door open.... well I moved my foot.... and the door shut.

I was like;
"Seriously Jess, you are a friggin' retard.... this wasn't how you were supposed to die....I mean what a lame way to go"

Anyways I start tapping on the door so that the chef would hear me but my boss wouldn't.
So I'm standing there tapping this door in -4F trying to not die.

And the chef comes, opens the door and shows me that you just have to push on the handle the right way and it opens from the inside...

You can only image the look on my face...

It was a cross between "wtf" " HOLY CRAP....I'M SPECIAL"

Anyways life goes on.... but the trauma from that fridge is permanent.
lol just a short one today
pce out homes
by the way be prepared for rage for my next blog entry.... that's right i said rage